Different Ways #20, Spirit of the Wind
I have a reason to believe that time heals. I have felt it do this. I was so used to feeling worthless in my life I had no idea there was an alternative way to feel. My youth and young adult life was enshrouded in such a way that I really thought this was natural and there was no other way to be human. Even after I went through therapy for assault and I learned new life skills, I was still framing life as a slog. It could be interesting and engaging for some special people but I was absolutely exempt. I never noticed that this was a part of how I thought so poorly of myself, frankly. I couldn't imagine myself as fulfilled or sated. I had a habit of living the curse of western culture as one who is constantly striving, somehow guilty and rarely asking what I was striving towards.
I was lighter and stronger having experienced therapy and understanding that I had been carrying a lot of shame, anger and frustration living in the shadow of being abandoned and abused. I shook, wailed, screamed and kicked that devil away so could stand up with the help of my sisters in group therapy. I am deeply thankful for that medicine. While I was definitely empowered by that work there was, somehow, more of something I needed and I couldn't yet identify it. I was in my thirties now.
Astrology has counseled me that the planets in their cycles allow everything in its own time. There is a great healing power in synchronizing and knowing what time it is in one's life to move and what time to stay. It is all about readiness for the unexpected and the discipline of being present in that way.
Not a whit, we defy augury. There is special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. Since no man, of aught he leaves, knows what is't to leave betimes, let be.
Hamlet, Act V, Wm. Shakespeare
Thank you for listening.
Different Ways, Chapter 21, Spirit of the Wind, pp. 155-158
Music: This powerful song of Buffy Sainte-Marie's supported by Tania Tagaq's amazing throat singing has helped me through many a trial since I first heard it. Native culture is bountiful and life sustaining. It is also benevolent. I can be profoundly moved by music and this song definitely found its way into a deep discourse with my heart. It teaches and validates that once we decide we want to live, we need to unfold, stand up and and let our power run and ally with the spirit of something larger than ourselves.
Thank you for joining me here. The memoir Different Ways: Revealing the Feminine can be purchased through my website using a link to Village Books at AlltheDifferentWays.com. There will soon be an eBook version available with an independent retailer. The e-book on Amazon is a bit of a mess but free if you are a Kindle member.
The BlogCast that outlines my intentions for this series of readings from my book, Different Ways, Revealing the Feminine can be found here in the post, Between the Lines.
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